I have been cursed with the ability to feel. This burden burns from within threw my veins and every single inch of me. I have the logic yet is ignored I've been cursed with emotions thank you eve .. emotionally driven into a wreck. It is part of me and yet i strive to achieve pure numbness and if that its so impossible maybe i should learn how to act better how to put up a front and not let the world that I'm crumbling with every step i take and yes i hold my head high.. i want the ability to say I don't care even when I'm dying a slow and pain full death on the inside .. I ve been looking for that heart of ice but mine is so warm and cuddly it craves attention and affection  But yet it is bombarded with neglect and abuse you would think by now it would have grown some stuff skin but no it is still gullible . I feel and that's the problem ... instead of being a man thinking with his dick I am a woman thinking with my heart . Simply lost in this sea of emotion .. How the hell did i get here I've been here before believing every word putting up with all kinds of nonsense just to prove my love .. I feel and that's a problem cause apparently some of us were blessed with hearts of ice and a cold stare ..Some of us feed of the pain of others .. and some of us just enjoy causing pain.. But in my strive for numbness I would become what I despise and cause pain to those who don't deserve it by than i would be to numb to care and would just think better them than me. By than it would be too late by than i would just be a heartless drone or someone too scarred to try again by than I would be so numb that love would not exist for me . But still i just dont wanna feel, but yet i know Im close to that numbness that i seek .. I feel the rage i feel the fire a voice that yells no more ! not me not i not ever the time will come .. the question is when?