old poem June 11 2010

My heart drops at the thought...while my blood begins to speed up racing for the falling heart creating an adrenalin rush .. the slow thump turns into a car engine and my ears get hot.. I almost feel the steam I kid you not. Bewildered in a world of things gone wrong.. a world that suddenly wants a piggy back ride as if my mind is not polluted enough weighing me down I can no longer walk with my  head held he high ..a feeling of defeat comes over me my eyes can no longer barricade the water fall the teases at they're edge..yet this tears do no represent sadness...although that's what they might depict ...they're a sign of self control from anger that wants to escape from the bottom of my soul and anger fueled with evil thoughts. The rosary I bear upon my chest is only for protection feels like the devil himself puts these thoughts in my head..or could I be that sick and twisted to actually create this images that protrude into my thoughts holding me hostage en caged by my own lack of self control..lord knows I'm trying but there's a fire that burns in my chest..and it won't be put out till I'm a satisfied...but how I get no satisfaction no one has felt what I felt and a sick part of me wants to inflict this pain upon someone else in a sense of getting rid of it.. this poison that runs threw me with no antidote...nothing to keep it at bay but my own will...a will becoming weary and slowly fading .. weak and tired..how do I rid my self of this darkness that constantly hovers over me praying on my every moment of weakness patiently waiting for the perfect moment to strike..and who is to say I have the strength to not give in..anger over sadness one can be controlled while the other is like a wild forest fire that just keeps growing uncontrollably till everything in its path is entirely consumed ...darkness is all that is left ..all that comes over me and I'm completely lost in it..